The Naruto Chronicles: After Death
by HairlessBison-JROCKER
Summary: What happens after Konoha and all the shinobi villages get blown up. Crack. Rated T for possible foul language in the future. We don't want to get our account suspended.
1. 5 days left

**The Chronicles of Naruto: After Death**

The Chronicles of Naruto: After Death

A/N: Disclaimer on profile

**Five Days Left: The Preface**

" Oh geez." Groaned Shikamaru

"There's still five days left." Chouji reassured him.

"Yeah, but then we'll be dead."

"Yeah, that kind of sucks doesn't it."

The two comrades were tied up in a dark room. Apparently some sound ninja tried to get some information out of them but they didn't tell them anything. So, they were supposed to die in five days because the sound ninja's "to do" list was full for a few days.

"This is totally not how I planned my life." Shikamaru complained.

"I wonder if I'll go to heaven or hell…"

Just then, Naruto burst through the wall screaming "I'm here to save you guys! Believe it!!" at the top of his lungs. "I'm totally stealthy aren't I?"

But then Orochimaru appeared out of no-where.

"Oh yeah, you're totally stealthy Naruto." Shikamaru said sarcasticly.

"Hey! Shut up! At least I'm actually saving you!"

Then they started a battle royal, which ended up blowing up all the villages (including the people in them). That's how the Naruto characters died.

_**A/N: **_

_Neesa: Okay trust me, I will make the next stories a lot longer. I just needed to make this one so you people could know how the Naruto characters died._

Riri: By the way, if anybody's actually reading this, we'll probably update every 2-3 weeks, unless we're gone on our band trip or something. Also, please, please, PLEASE review!! We're new here, so we're still getting used to using the site. Pretty please? Thank you! Watch out for the next chapter!


	2. Desktop Revolution

Desktop Revolution

**Desktop Revolution**

**A/N : Disclaimer on profile. **

The desktop revolution of 2020. The 10 different styles of DDR on your desktop. The DDR are 10 styles that have changed throughout the years. The different ways to play, the graphics, the music, backgrounds and arrows. All of them played since the year 2000. Now the newest feature of this computer is that you can control it using the DDR controls. The controls vary for different needs…

"Wow." Said Tenten.

By the way, this story takes place in heaven and hell. Tenten was reading a newspaper about what happens on Earth. Naruto and Sakura were reading over her shoulder.

"I'm surprised the Earth still exists!" said Naruto.

"You idiot!!" Shouted Sakura in Naruto's ear. "How do you come up with such a stupid idea like that?!" She yelled.

"I use my brain. Maybe you could try sometime." Naruto said plainly. Sakura almost blew his face apart when she picked up Tenten and threw her at Naruto really hard.

"OOWWW!!" Naruto yelled. Tenten had lost consciousness.

"Well, anyhow, you should read the news more. Then you would know how they fixed global warming." Sakura said.

"What's global warming?" Naruto said in a low confused voice.

"OH MY GOD! HOE STUPID ARE YOU?!" Just then, God walked by and said to Sakura,

"Sakura, you're annoying." And sends her to hell.

Tenten suddenly gains consciousness again and starts saying

"Let's go to candy mountain!" In a really creepy high voice all the while, she's flapping her arms trying to fly. Tenten leaves Naruto just standing there thinking about global warming and mumbling to himself. Just then, Itachi and Kisame show up. Itachi says,

"Naruto, you're coming with us."

"WTF? I'm dead already! I'm not just gonna give you the Kyuubi damn it!"

"Shut up you insignificant bratty annoying hot headed short tempered hyper-active son of the fourth Hokage unintelligent foolish child! That's not what we came here for!"

"Why then?"

"We were gonna make you pay for a cantaloupe, a honeydew, a watermelon, a bunch of grapes, a bag of pears and some peaches. Said Kisame.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because were making a fruit salad :D"

" And…?"

"You can have some too. --"

"SWEET! FRUIT SALAD!! WOOOO!!"

Itachi is like --' and Kisame chases after Naruto like :3 and they both start singing

"Do you like waffles?"

"Yeah I like waffles!"

"Do you like fruit salad?"

"Yeah I LOVE fruit salad!!"

"Good 'cuz were eating fruit salad and not waffles!"

So Itachi leaves them alone and walks away. He sees the four Hokages.


	3. Under The Rug

A/N: disclaimer in profile

Under the Rug

Now we go see Shikamaru in his heaven house. Two weeks passed and it happened again. Shikamaru was holding a chair over his head about to hit a lump under the rug in his room.

"OH MY GOD! NARUTO STOP BEING SO TROUBLESOME TRYING TO SPY ON ME!"

And he brought the chair down so hard onto Naruto's head that his legs lifted off the ground.

"OW!! Screamed Naruto. " I wasn't spying on you. Sakura got sent to Hell, so I was just thinking."

"UNDER MY RUG??!!"

"Um…yeah?"

"WELL GET YOUR OWN RUG TO THINK UNDER YOU TROUBLESOME DEAD NINJA!!"

Then Shikamaru kicked Naruto out of his house. Naruto then heard Shikamaru's muffled yell saying :

"OH MY GOD! CHOUJI STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY FOOD BY HIDING UNDER MY RUG!!..."

By now it was night time so Naruto had to go home but Shikamaru kicked him so hard that he couldn't stand up. Not to mention his smartness dropped by like half when the chair hit him. So he slept outside of Shikamaru's house.

Anyways, back to Itachi. So he found the 4 Hokages and they're all pretty much drunk. So Itachi walks up to them and asks :

"Can I take your money?"

"No." they say.

So Itachi challenges them to a fight. At first the Hokages want DDR but then Itachi suddenly yells :

"PIKACHU, I CHOSE YOU!!!"

And a Pikachu appears and says it's name in a REALLY deep voice. After a while, Itachi kills their useless dittos and gets exp. Points. The Hokages get rather depressed and say:

"NOO! My Ditto did so well fighting that tree the other day!"

And they break into tears. Meanwhile Itachi manages to capture the one-foot tall brick wall and adds that to his collection.

"SWEET!!" He yells.


	4. The Harp

A/N: Disclaimer in profile.

The Harp

"Now that I have the one foot tall brick wall, I'm going to try to capture the myth called the Harp." Said Itachi confidently. He was off to find a secret place where the Harp Pokémon was said to live.

"How can I find a secret place?" thought Itachi. Just then, he walked into a giant boulder.

"Watch where sit you fucking rock!!!" Then Itachi used a voltorb to blow up the rock. Apparently he completely forgot the fact that he was a ninja and could have just used an explosive tag. Then, he fell down a rabbit hole.

"So it's true.." he thought "It's really true." The Harp Pokémon was sitting right in front of him. It didn't look like a Harp though. It looked like a pineapple and it could talk.

"Stupid troublesome rabbit hole faller downer." It said. Then it took out a chair from it's pocket and started trying to hit Itachi with it.

"Holy crap!!" screamed Itachi. No matter what Itachi did, the Harp was pretty much immortal.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Itachi took out his magical crayons and drew clouds and a pillow. He threw the pillow at the Harp and it fell over. Then it started watching the crayon drawn clouds. Itachi proceeded to catch the Harp Pokémon.

"YES!! finally! Only 398 Pokémon to go!!! :D"

A/N: _I'm sorry! It's short I know! I'll try to update my next story soon! Just so you're not confused, the Harp is NOT Shikamaru in disguse. Review please and thanks!_


	5. Uninvited guest

A/N" Disclaimer on profile

Uninvited guest

His heart was pounding. He was sure he had seen the doorknob turn. Shikamaru was extremely pissed off right now. First Naruto under his rug, and then, Chouji stealing his food. NOW someone was opening his door! Then, when the door started to creak open, Shikamaru screamed at the top of his lungs a whole long string of profanities followed by the word "baloney". Jenny was standing in the doorway with a face like O_O and when Shikamaru noticed it was Jenny he was like

"Oh. Sorry about that. Wait a sec, why are YOU dead?"

"Well, the world was SUPPOSED to end in the year 2012. So I decided to do something before the 2012 new-year day. I jumped and fell and the air was so loud it felt like someone tied 50000 pounds of weight to my feet and then it went black."

"Um…Wha?"

"I jumped off a cliff. -_-"

"Oh."

"And now I'm dead! I feel so pissed the world hasn't ended but I'm dead!!! I feel like finding the idiot of a guy who said the world would end on 2012 and strangle him and kick him 38295410 times and light them on fire and stab them and blow him up all at the same time!!!!"

"You exaggerate too much. It's troublesome."

"I wasn't exaggerating that time."

"Oh."

"And by the way, the whole reason I came here was to tell you that Naruto is outside trying to eat your lawn ornamant."

"WHAT??!?!?!" Shikamaru screamed.

"NARUTO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

(Remember, Naruto is extremely stupid now since the chair hit him.)

Then Jenny decided to go visit some people in Hell.

A/N: _Hey! It's Neesa! I'm gonna be trying to update my stories real quick since now I've finished writing some drafts. YAY! :3_


	6. The Visitor

A/N: Disclaimer in profile.

The visitor

Jenny walked past the little Italy and rounded the corner. She walked through the gates of Hell. Jenny didn't really belong to either Heaven or Hell. She usually wanders around both. You see, when she died, she/her soul , bribed God and Satan with Harry Potter's wand and glasses (that she stole) to not have to stay in Heaven or Hell. It worked. Jenny has a Heaven house and a Hell house. Satan wears dorky glasses and God has a wand. Jenny walked past Satan. In her head, she was exploding with laughter at the way Satan looked with Harry Potter's glasses on.

"Heh." Jenny thought. "I wonder what I should steal from Harry next. Maybe his Nimbus 2000. You never know when these bribing items might come in handy…"

Just then, she saw Sasuke. And Sakura chasing him (and Ino was doing the same. I just decided that they went to Hell for being annoying fan girls. Sorry people who like Ino/Sakura.) Jenny started beating Sasuke up with the Nimbus 2000 she stole from Harry Potter 3.2 Nano seconds after she decided she would. After Jenny was satisfied, Ino and Sakura were pretty pissed off. (No one's soul can die. Sorry Jenny, Sasuke can't die.) So Jenny just beat the crap out of Ino because she hated her. Then she just hit Sakura because she thought Sakura was useless.

When Jenny hit Sakura she screamed

"This is for just standing in the middle of a field doing nothing for 28 episodes you jerk! I wont beat you as bad as Ino because you _are_ kinda funny…" Then she started to walk away.

"Wow, they all just got pwned by a broom. Or should I say BEATED by a broom! Yeah. That sounds way cooler. And anyone who has a problem with that bad grammar will get beated to what would be death if you were alive!!" She yelled to everyone close by. So Jenny proceeded to beat everyone in Hell for the rest of the day because they're all grammar freaks.

A/N: _Yay! I know this featured hardly any Naruto Characters. Sorry about that. For the Christmas holidays, I'll be going away so, I can't post any stories until I get back. I'll try to upload as many as I can before I go. -Neesa_


	7. Welcome To Hell

A/N: Disclaimer in profile.

Welcome to Hell

So, Gaara is kind of like Jenny, when he died he didn't want to stay in Heaven or Hell so he treatened to "kill" God and Satan. So now, he walks around both. Then, he saw Neji. He has always hated Neji because he thought he was a showoff. So then, he stuck an explosive tag on Neji's back and blew him up. He can't die, but, he still gets hurts and bloody. Just they heal instantly. Neji turns around and screams at the top of his lungs

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!???!!?!" except Gaara wasn't there anymore. Everyone was just watching Neji scream at nothing. After a while, everyone started calling him the Mental kid. Anyways, kakashi and Sasuke are sparring when Sasuke asks

"So, why are you in Hell exactly?"

"I have no idea." He replies. Then Orochimaru walks over to them and said

"You're in Hell because the person who sorts the souls to Heaven and Hell got pissed off because there were so many dead people to sort. So, after a while, the dead person would just say hi and the sorter would scream GO TO HELL! In that person's face and that person would be you Kakashi."

"Ah, touché. For some reason it hurts me to say that." Kakashi said in thought.

"Nah, that's just me stabbing you in the kidney." Sasuke replied simply.

"Oh. Well Fuck you." Jenny and Iruka are randomly talking (in heaven) when they hear someone scream

"Bloody f***ing vrilliant!!" Which led Jenny to say

"What the hell does vrilliant mean?!"

"I think that's a type of meat…"

"Well, they did say bloody.."

"If only I knew what 'F***ing' meant."

"I think it means flaming."

"Hmm.. I guess so…bloody, flaming, piece of meat… Ah, I'm hungry now!"

"BARBIE-Q!"

"Wha?"

"Don't you know what a Barbie-q is?"

~to be continued.~

A/N: _okay, this will be the last chapter for this year. But, when the holidays are over, the stories continue! :D One thing, this is kinda promoting the Naruto Abridged Series so go watch it on Youtube. One thing to clear up in this story is, at the beginning of my series, there was a huge explosion right? Well, it only destroyed the Villages and ninja. The real world is still intact. I guess the "end of the world" was just the end of the ninja world. Okay? _

_-Neesa_


	8. The Four B's

A/N: Disclaimer in profile.

The Four B's

"Oh! You mean Barbeque!" Exclaimed Iruka

"No! Not Barbeque, I said Barbie-Q"

"Hate to burst your bubble their Einstein, but there's no such thing as a Barbie-Q" said Iruka. Jenny gasped with an offended look on her face.

"How dare you not know what a Barbie-Q is!!!!" screamed Jenny.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he said. Then, Jenny's-sister's-friend came out of nowhere and said

"Gomen! Gomen!" she was known as the girl who did the random Japanese exclamations and the leader of fangirls who abused the Japanese language. She's at the very top of Jenny's kill list, also known as 'Jenny's Big Bad Bingo Book' that is the legendary four B's. Jenny's hatred for that Japanese abuser bitch was enough to blow up 9,999,999,999,991 red fire hydrants plus the rest of the universe. Jenny picked up the first thing she saw, which happened to be Iruka, and attempted to kill the girl (named Angela) with it/him. They ran around heaven crashing through rainbow coloured blocks which equipped Jenny with a giant black metal ball with a face and sharp teeth attached to a chain. It seemed to never stop trying to bite things.

Yep, the good old chain chomp was something very use-full. All the while, Iruka was screaming until he lost his voice and then lost consciousness. Jenny enjoyed the thought of being able to kill Angela over and over again since she couldn't actually die. Jenny could torture her forever!!!

"Heh, I'm so evil" Jenny said to herself. After catching Angela in a cage, Jenny waited for Iruka to regain consciousness. When he woke up, he found out he got another scar except it was on his arm and it looked like Shino's face.

"Aw man! Why couldn't a cool guy's face be my new scar?" whined Iruka.

"Hey!" said Shino who suddenly appeared.

"Go away Shino! Trees like YOU don't talk!"

"I'm not a tree dammit! I'm the tree WHISPERER!!! Hold on a sec. what's that tree? You want me to kill everyone?"

"Iruka, maybe we should send him to rehab. He's been hanging out with the trees too much…" Jenny whispered.

"Yeah, that's true." Iruka whispered back.

A/N: _It's Neesa! Riri's computer is being weird and isn't letting her on so it'll be a little while before that's fixed. Anyways, I haven't posted for a long time so I'm going to try to post a little quicker. There's only about 3-4 chapters left so yeah. For the last chapter, some people can request some stuff. It'll be great! _


	9. Mailbox

A/N: Disclaimer in Profile

Mailbox

"Those trees can be pretty persuasive these days."

"Yeah. I hate how innocent they act! I have a theory that they used to be all those evil criminals."

"What the hell kind of a theory is that?!"

"How should I know?! I was drunk!"

"Oh… well, ok." Then they all went home to sleep except for Jenny who was outside playing animal crossing on her D.S. Resetti appeared on her screen and started ranting and scolding her.

"Damn it!" screamed Jenny. She hated Resetti so badly. Thankfully, she managed to screw-up her D.S. a while ago. Her glitch let her force her character to take out a chalkboard and smash Resetti on the head somehow getting him trapped as a drawing in the board. Then the character took pleasure in very slowly erasing each limb slowly as a toture. Jenny started laughing evilly as she walked back to her room. She ended up laughing herself to sleep at 3:18am the next morning. Everybody woke up (except for Jenny) a couple of hours later and checked their mailboxes. All of then had received a letter telling them that they were going to be sent back to earth reborn as something else.

The letter had the exact time and what they were going to be reborn as all neatly written on a pretty paper. Jenny was sleeping in at her Hell house when Baki ran in and yelled

"Jenny! What are you?!" Jenny instantly shot up in a really bad mood and said

"What the Hell do you want?!?!!!?"

"I was asking you what you're going to be reborn as and-"

"I'm a soul obviously! What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Everyone got a letter telling them what they'll be reborn as and-"

"Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?!!!"

"Will you let me finish my sentence Jenn-"

"NO!!!" and she beat the shit out of him. (bad mood remember?) Then she fell asleep again. When she woke up, there was a note on her windowsill that said

'the end of my sentence was I wanted to have the pie on your windowsill.' Then Jenny went to find Baki and beat the shit out of him again, then she took back her pie.

A/N: _Hey people! It's Neesa. Riri can't go on because her computer's being dumb so… it might be a while. Anyways, I'm almost done this series. But, when it's done, you can tell me to elaborate on certain people's lives. Sorry about having random characters not in the naruto series. This story was originally for my friends to read. Sorry that I've been slacking off on posting. I've been lazy or forget-full. _


	10. The Letter Says

A/N: Disclaimer in Profile

Mailbox

"Those trees can be pretty persuasive these days."

"Yeah. I hate how innocent they act! I have a theory that they used to be all those evil criminals."

"What the hell kind of a theory is that?!"

"How should I know?! I was drunk!"

"Oh… well, ok." Then they all went home to sleep except for Jenny who was outside playing animal crossing on her D.S. Resetti appeared on her screen and started ranting and scolding her.

"Damn it!" screamed Jenny. She hated Resetti so badly. Thankfully, she managed to screw-up her D.S. a while ago. Her glitch let her force her character to take out a chalkboard and smash Resetti on the head somehow getting him trapped as a drawing in the board. Then the character took pleasure in very slowly erasing each limb slowly as a toture. Jenny started laughing evilly as she walked back to her room. She ended up laughing herself to sleep at 3:18am the next morning. Everybody woke up (except for Jenny) a couple of hours later and checked their mailboxes. All of then had received a letter telling them that they were going to be sent back to earth reborn as something else.

The letter had the exact time and what they were going to be reborn as all neatly written on a pretty paper. Jenny was sleeping in at her Hell house when Baki ran in and yelled

"Jenny! What are you?!" Jenny instantly shot up in a really bad mood and said

"What the Hell do you want?!?!!!?"

"I was asking you what you're going to be reborn as and-"

"I'm a soul obviously! What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Everyone got a letter telling them what they'll be reborn as and-"

"Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?!!!"

"Will you let me finish my sentence Jenn-"

"NO!!!" and she beat the shit out of him. (bad mood remember?) Then she fell asleep again. When she woke up, there was a note on her windowsill that said

'the end of my sentence was I wanted to have the pie on your windowsill.' Then Jenny went to find Baki and beat the shit out of him again, then she took back her pie.

A/N: _Hey people! It's Neesa. Riri can't go on because her computer's being dumb so… it might be a while. Anyways, I'm almost done this series. But, when it's done, you can tell me to elaborate on certain people's lives. Sorry about having random characters not in the naruto series. This story was originally for my friends to read. Sorry that I've been slacking off on posting. I've been lazy or forget-full. _


	11. Reborn

A/N: Disclaimer on profile.

Reborn

The TV picture shows… Gaara is reborn as a grain of sand. Baki is reborn as a bigger grain of sand.

"FUCK!" screamed Gaara.

"Gaara watch your language." Baki scolded

"Fuck you! What is this?! Some kind of a joke!?" They end up dying by being blown into the ocean 32 years later.

Next up, Naruto is reborn as Naruto (the food) along with Iruka reborn as a dumpling.

"Naruto, I've always wanted to try this…"

"What?" Iruka had attempted to take a bite out of Naruto, successfully getting a rather large chunk.

"OW! WTF IRUKA?!!"

"I'm gonna do it again."

"HELL NO!"

"HELL YEAH!" After Iruka are the rest of Naruto (which is how Naruto died), Britney spears came along and ate Iruka. They both lived for 10 minutes. Shikamaru was reborn as a cloud. He floated around in the sky and enjoyed his new life fully, except for a guy on the ground kept staring at the clouds (including Shikamaru) and that was apparently very irritating to Shikamaru.

"What the hell's wrong with that guy…" Shikamaru mumbled to himself. But then, parts of him started to fall. He was raining. And about 12 minutes later, he was back in heaven. He joined jenny at her house and said

"My life as a cloud was 2 hours long."

"Wow. Great life." Jenny replied sarcasm coating her words. They both turned their attention back to the TV screen and saw Sasuke reborn as a tree.

"I guess being a tree isn't all that bad…" thought Sasuke.

"Oh Sasuke!" Orochimaru called. Sasuke looked up and saw Orochimaru was one of his leaves.

"We'll have a great time together Sasuke-ku~un" Orichimaru sang.

"AAAHHHH!!!! RAPE!!" screamed Sasuke as loud as he could (which isn't loud at all because he's a freaking tree). Then Sakura, reborn as a lumber jack, and Ino, reborn as an axe Sakura held, came by and cut Sasuke down. They didn't even know it was Sasuke anyways. After that, Sasuke was turned into a bible.

"GAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Jenny burst out.

"Looks like Sasuke's fan girls finally turned on him" Shikamaru said between laughs. The most ridiculous things happened to them all. Here's a list: Tenten was a kunai, Chouji was a cake, Shino was a frog, Neji was a caged bird, Itachi was reborn as a shark, Kisame was a goldfish, Angela was a turd because she's not important, Kakashi was Angelina Joelee and the Hokage's? Guess what they were reborn as, the POWER RANGERS. While Jenny and Shikamaru laughed their faces off, Megan played animal crossing while swearing at it. Don't worry about her, she's a psycho. ~The End~

A/N: _Hi! This was the last chapter of the series The chronicles of Naruto: After Death. If anyone wants me to write a more detailed reborn life about one of these characters, write it in a review. If there's enough, I might consider making a sequel to this series! Thanks! _(|:|) ninja.


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